i found you out

words commonly used by my boy to trick me into thinking i'm asleep and incompetent:

siderodromophobia (si-der-oh-droh-moh-PHO-bee-ah) — fear of trains, railroads, or train travel
frippery (FRIP-i-ree) — 1. pretentious, showy finery. 2. pretentious elegance; ostentation. 3. something trivial or nonessential
cygnet (SIG-nit) — a young swan.
chthonic (THON-ik) — of or relating to the underworld
callipygian (kal-ah-PIJ-ee-en) — having beautifully proportioned buttocks

*** Make sure to check out the "rejected best words" section, where you will find:
leet (slang for "good" or "great," apparently, and idiotic, certainly)

vocabulary is FUN, you flapdoodling clatterfart!!

that dream

I'm climbing a tattered staircase of pale-yellow and white frosting. The angles and spaces expand and contract as I turn and face my surroundings. I am instantly unalone somehow. It's a rigid staircase that resembles my own, but bare of carpet and shoe-prints. A dim, sweet light, as dim and sweet as the sins of the night, joins me as I ascend. From my eyes I sense a large hole to the left of me where a circle of wall should be. I press into it, but it does not admit me. All okay, I continue and feel the top beneath me, making my head a new height reached in this dark room filled with sweet things I cannot yet see. My sweet mind, where have you led me? Dear me, there's a hall to the left, like my home's own. I follow its tiles and poke my arms awake. Colors blend into patterns crooked and plump. There's a wall with a shape of a door with an arch that divides itself into little bricks. I press it, it feels, I enter it whole. I am led by some unknown force down a wide hall of rich color masked in flickering chandelier. There are the portraits on the wall of any castle cliche, moving and guarding my dreaming self with their fixed eyes. A steady pace is inevitible in this place. I am Alice, or something entirely new and independent of her. No, there is no name yet for my phenomena. The smell of incense with no smoke overwhelms me in a place where my dreams are worth fifty cents.

unspoken

There's a cloud in this room, and it smiles for you, but I'm not on the other side.

exploring

I know myself little by little, as when I press against the skin in my arm and move it back and forth, to distinguish the two layers of body. It tooke me years of focus to determine the two are separate parts of me, both the moveable flesh and the rigid, almost unnoticeable bluish innerthing beneath.

what i never have to feel again

He's sweat-clad and screams your name the way I wish I could. He doesn't know what tempest he's just stirred within me, between me and the idea of you.

from february

My writing is slowly going from fiction to non-fiction, though I did dream of Alice in Wonderland last night.

ha...ha..

When I was crazier, I used to always fear every morning that when I opened the door after waking up, the grim reaper would be standing behind it. Fortunately, there never was any demon standing there waiting for me, so I lowered my expectations of one.

unspoken

We say so little because we say only the substantial things, and hold only meaningful conversation. When that isn't enough, we live out the afternoons in sun and touch and the silence of unspoken emotion.

gloria

And when we sing in Latin, so beautifully and so sacredly together, I feel it purge my soul so pristinely because it feels so good to bathe myself in things in which I don't believe but sound so right because I don't understand them anyway.

space mountain

Being placed in the square little front seat could challenge, frighten, and energize. Well, I was in it. I could feel the lift off into darkness and upper space and there I could truly question my being. "What is it to be alive?" my soul would ask, and my conscious would reply with dropping organs and cries of excitement. To have the path before me disappear was to put my faith in a world with which I needed to connect desperately. The quick twists and changing colors around me gave me all the sensations of life and I wanted it all. That sickening and exhilarating feeling of being on the edge of an experience, of being placed at the tip of the earth and being forced to react, it was a feeling so personal as to one on a roller coaster. I wanted to dive, to stop, to shift, to cry, to reach new heights and new heights and safety. I did all that.